Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentinder update.

Okay. So it's that gross holiday. And I didn't quite find myself a Valentine. I have like four newish Tinderbros who I've been talking to, and three of them sexted me today (my kind of romance). Two asked me to "hang out" tomorrow and one asked Sunday. I'll probably actually limit myself to only one this weekend. I def know which one is my top choice.
But still. It may have been nice to get drunk and hook up with some sexy man tonight. Instead I'm most likely just going to get drunk with my chocolates (from my mom ugh). 
It's all good though. I just avoided Facebook bc I have no need to see happy couples be all romantic and cutesy and shit. And I didn't go anywhere where I'd see too many obnoxious girls carrying roses or teddy bears or balloons (god what a fucking waste of money people spend on this day). And I'm actually excited about one of my tindermen. Hopefully we'll hang out tomorrow. I'll keep you bros and hoes posted. 
Happy vday. 
Go fuck someone hot. 
Or get drunk. 
Preferably both. 
Xo. 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Evolution of a Tinder Whore.

As time passes, shit changes. Let's reflect a bit on how I've evolved as a Tinder user (addict/whore/slutty-dgaffer?)...

When I first downloaded the app last year, I thought of it as a joke. I never met up with anyone in real life, that seemed wayyy too sketchy (ha! -me today). I only initiated convo if I had something sassily bitchy to say. I never tried to be totally mean to anyone, becuase I like to think I'm not a totally horrible person. But I definitely had my fun with heavy sarcasm that probably went over most of the Tinderos heads. I would push people to probably feel pretty uncomfortable until they often blocked me. Some guys - the attractive ones who I didn't purposely scare - would ask for my number or try to convince me to meet them. Eh. I'd maybe give my number and text for a little while. But soon I'd get freaked out about talking to some completely random guy. I definitely never made plans or followed up with any of the boys who wanted to meet up.
But things were also pretty different way back then. Tinder was still gaining popularity, a lot of people were just starting to use the app around the same time, and plenty of people still hadn't even heard of it. Guys didn't have the game the good ones have developed today. Conversations (the real ones, not my bitch-infused ones) were boring. No one even came close to wooing me the way some of them do now.

After a little while, maybe a few months of passive Tinder use, I got more into it. I only swiped the really hot guys right. I lowered my bitch vibe level (that shit can never completely go away.) I would get into some more interesting conversations with more interesting guys. I didn't freak out about giving guys my number. I decided it wouldn't hurt to meet some of these Tinderos. I had friends by now who were using the app and met up with some matches. It didn't scare me quite as much, I got over that fear. But I still always insisted we meet in a public place. I was into it when we had some mutual friends - it made me feel like it was less random and creepy. I also always thoroughly facebook- and insta-stalked the boys. I made them promise not to kidnap me. And I would tell a friend where I was going, who I was meeting, blah blah all that safe and responsible shit blah.

Time went on.

I thought maybe I was over Tinder.
That thought lasted about an hour.
What else would I be doing in my spare time? Where else would I meet any new guys? (Sidenote and potential future post: Where do people meet people if not on Tinder?!)

Last summer I really started getting my Tinder on.
My right thumb has developed redic swiping muscles.
I had built up a lot of contacts in my phone book with the last name "Tinder."
I started to prefer not to have any mutual friends with my Tinder boys.
I started meeting up and hanging out with guys, no big deal.
They all promised not to kidnap me, and so far, no one's broken their promise!
I stopped caring if we met in public. No need to waste time and money. I'll just go to the Tindero's place, whatever.
My friends don't know about the majority of my sexcapades with my Tinder boys.
I'm probably pretty stupid and irresponsible and reckless in my behavior.
Who gives a fuck though. It's worked out so far. I'm still alive and Tinderwhoring well.
Dgaf. Yolo. All that carpe diem crap. That's what life's all about, right? Mhm.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Ho like a bro.

I'm sort of wired like a guy I think. Here's sorta how I do:

I find someone sexy I want. 
I get him because I'm the little bitch who gets what she wants. 
I hookup with him. If he's good I'll want to again, but no strings attached and no commitment shit. If he's just whatever, I'll be over it and probably stop responding to his texts. 
Other reasons I might stop responding to his texts: if he... mentions something about a relationship, says anything about me being a girlfriend, wants to hold my hand in public, wants to hang out with me the day after we just hung out, texts first every time and responds within a minute every time, always says how "sweet" or "beautiful" I am (I prefer funny cute or sexy), texts or calls multiple times in a row and keeps asking why I'm not responding, cuddles, is annoying, asks anything about how I feel about him, texts using emojis or excessive exclamation points / question marks, wants me to meet his family, um I could go on and on but I'm getting bored and I think you get the picture by now. 

I'm also sure there are plenty more ways I could relate to most guys over girls when it comes to hooking up and sex and relationships. But I have to go get drunk now. 

Xo bitchez. 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Far away babe.

My fave sexy man friend from Tinder lives in Australia. I don't. That pisses me off. He's so yummy I just can't handle it. But I can handle it because I have to since I live thousands of miles away from him and there's not much I can really do about it. Tinder shouldn't have matched us just to tease me with something so lovely that I can't have.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Wah.

Guys. I'm the worst. I clearly have my priorities in the wrong order, otherwise I'd be making new blogposts on the regs. 
I'll try to make it up to you bitches soon. 
I'll write some juicy stories. 
Or something. 
Sorry. 
Don't hate. 
Just go Tinder while you wait for me to become a better blogger.