Winners. Not.

My bad for not posting yesterday. I need to get better at this bloglife. But here. I'll make it up to you (because I'm sure so many people missed me so much) with this winner of a post. Check out some of my favorite Tinderos I've come across! And yes, to protect their identities and save them any more embarrassment that they havent caused themselves, I blurred out the name and face, kinda. And if you even had to ask, maybe we aren't very good friends, but I definitely left swiped all these bros. No hesitation, well, after taking a screenshot.

I don't recommend making your Tinder prof pic one of you in jail. But hey, maybe some girls are into that shit (murderer, sex offender, felon, whatev)

Just lol. Nice photoshot work. But personally I don't hook up with guys who are into rainbows and flying otter things with laser eyes and light swords. That's just me.

I don't know why this picture exists, but I definitely was not curious enough to swipe right and ask him. 

Just fyi. The second photo this guy had was the exact same one but slightly more zoomed in. If that's your most flattering pic that you think will win you some ladiez, I don't even know what to say.

And then there's this one. I'm just afraid. P.S. His name was Spike…

Okayyyyy that's all for now, bitches. I'm sure I have more great screenshots on my phone somewhere that I'll share with you guys some other time. I'm gonna go Tinder now and try to find someone decent after re-living those guys^^

Is anyone (attractive) left for me to swipe right?

I don't remember the last new match I've Tindered with. And just so you know, that's because I don't remember the last guy I swiped right. Like seriously, did I go through all the attractive and even decent looking guys in this frickin huge city already? Does Tinder purposely put the better looking ones to go through first, so you don't immediately lose hope and delete the app? I'm not even kidding. It's been probably at least a week since I've swiped a guy right. And it's not as though I've only been on the app a minute here or there. It's how I spend my time when I'm bored, waiting for something, eating alone, chillin, in the car but not driving (for the most part..), laying down in bed, waiting for someone, sitting down, laying on the couch, standing somewhere, distracting myself from something "more important," keeping my mind stimulated while I'm also doing something pretty boring (I'm pretty ADD), etc. So you get it, right? There have been plenty of chances for me to see someone even slightly attractive. But I haven't. Ugh. Like this is getting ridiculous.

Auto-swipe-left based on pics alone.

These are just a very few reasons for an automatic left-swipe:

Unattractive 

Younger than me 

Too old (like 10+ yrs older than me)

Only has selfies (unless wayy hot)

Only has mirror selfies

Has any mirror selfie w flash 

Has any selfie with pouty face (guys, you complain about girls doing that duck face thing, tinder has taught me that guys definitely do it too)

Only has group pics, like I have time to be a detective to find ya?

Bad body

Bad face
Has a kid

Only has one pic 

Looks gay (not that there's anything wrong with that, just not exactly what I'm looking for via tinder)

Appears short

Uses super outdated pics 

Doesn't know how to crop a pic 

Has the same pic like three times 

Has dick pic 

Looks emo

Has selfie while driving and making sideways peace sign 

Ummmm I'm sure there are way more I'll think of later. But that's it for now. And those were only based on the pics, I'll get to the description section no-nos some other time. 

Kbye, hope you dream about tinder. 

Unfortunate.

Don't you hate it when the guy turns out to be the unfortunate looking one out of the group of friends? And he has like all group pics except the last one, so you have to scroll through them all and then you just get disappointed. Like just show your face in the first pic and save everyone some time. 

Tinder Tips for Guyz: What to Do and What Not to Do
^^That might be the name of my future book.