Evolution of a Tinder Whore.

As time passes, shit changes. Let's reflect a bit on how I've evolved as a Tinder user (addict/whore/slutty-dgaffer?)...

When I first downloaded the app last year, I thought of it as a joke. I never met up with anyone in real life, that seemed wayyy too sketchy (ha! -me today). I only initiated convo if I had something sassily bitchy to say. I never tried to be totally mean to anyone, becuase I like to think I'm not a totally horrible person. But I definitely had my fun with heavy sarcasm that probably went over most of the Tinderos heads. I would push people to probably feel pretty uncomfortable until they often blocked me. Some guys - the attractive ones who I didn't purposely scare - would ask for my number or try to convince me to meet them. Eh. I'd maybe give my number and text for a little while. But soon I'd get freaked out about talking to some completely random guy. I definitely never made plans or followed up with any of the boys who wanted to meet up.
But things were also pretty different way back then. Tinder was still gaining popularity, a lot of people were just starting to use the app around the same time, and plenty of people still hadn't even heard of it. Guys didn't have the game the good ones have developed today. Conversations (the real ones, not my bitch-infused ones) were boring. No one even came close to wooing me the way some of them do now.

After a little while, maybe a few months of passive Tinder use, I got more into it. I only swiped the really hot guys right. I lowered my bitch vibe level (that shit can never completely go away.) I would get into some more interesting conversations with more interesting guys. I didn't freak out about giving guys my number. I decided it wouldn't hurt to meet some of these Tinderos. I had friends by now who were using the app and met up with some matches. It didn't scare me quite as much, I got over that fear. But I still always insisted we meet in a public place. I was into it when we had some mutual friends - it made me feel like it was less random and creepy. I also always thoroughly facebook- and insta-stalked the boys. I made them promise not to kidnap me. And I would tell a friend where I was going, who I was meeting, blah blah all that safe and responsible shit blah.

Time went on.

I thought maybe I was over Tinder.
That thought lasted about an hour.
What else would I be doing in my spare time? Where else would I meet any new guys? (Sidenote and potential future post: Where do people meet people if not on Tinder?!)

Last summer I really started getting my Tinder on.
My right thumb has developed redic swiping muscles.
I had built up a lot of contacts in my phone book with the last name "Tinder."
I started to prefer not to have any mutual friends with my Tinder boys.
I started meeting up and hanging out with guys, no big deal.
They all promised not to kidnap me, and so far, no one's broken their promise!
I stopped caring if we met in public. No need to waste time and money. I'll just go to the Tindero's place, whatever.
My friends don't know about the majority of my sexcapades with my Tinder boys.
I'm probably pretty stupid and irresponsible and reckless in my behavior.
Who gives a fuck though. It's worked out so far. I'm still alive and Tinderwhoring well.

Dgaf. Yolo. All that carpe diem crap. That's what life's all about, right? Mhm.

Far away babe.

My fave sexy man friend from Tinder lives in Australia. I don't. That pisses me off. He's so yummy I just can't handle it. But I can handle it because I have to since I live thousands of miles away from him and there's not much I can really do about it. Tinder shouldn't have matched us just to tease me with something so lovely that I can't have.

Do I give off a Tinder Whore vibe?

I know I've probably mentioned this before. But kind of continued thoughts based on yesterday's post...

Do guys just sense that I'm one of those girls who doesn't mind how inappropriate the convo gets and how quickly it gets there? 

Because I'd say the majority of all girls I know would not be okay with some guy talking about jerking off. They would immediately block the douche. And I'm not sure I know any girls who would even consider giving him their number. And then there's me. 

I swear I don't have anything at all written in my profile about me being a tinder whore or whore of any sorts (p.s. I may or may not have considered going to give the sexy guy a hand last night, and only maybe for some sort of payment in exchange for driving to him. Don't worry I didn't actually do that and I didn't even really consider it that hard, I promise I'm not a real whore.) 

None of my pictures are even slutty or that sexy really. 

And honestly. Most people I know or meet in person (like not via tinder) say I give off sorta goody good and innocent vibes (ha yeah that would be false) 

Well whatever I guess. Maybe some guys do just say inappropriate shit to every girl and just hope that eventually one girl will respond - boyz, if that's your game and you're waiting for me, you better be sexy. 

I don't know. 

Maybe I just need new friends who wouldn't judge me if they knew the real shit I did. 

Happening now..

Live update. A hot British actor just matched with me. He messaged me right away, which normally I'm not into, but I made an exception for a hot British actor.

This was basically our convo:

Hot British Actor (HBA): Hey how are you?

Me: Pretty good, how are you?

HBA: Good. What are you doing?

Me: Umm nothing exciting. I'm just laying on the couch in my sweats watching the Grammys and cuddling with my dog hah. What about you?

HBA: I'm really horny and am about to jack off. 

Hey, whatever, at least we were both honest. 

I gave him my phone number. 

Is anyone (attractive) left for me to swipe right?

I don't remember the last new match I've Tindered with. And just so you know, that's because I don't remember the last guy I swiped right. Like seriously, did I go through all the attractive and even decent looking guys in this frickin huge city already? Does Tinder purposely put the better looking ones to go through first, so you don't immediately lose hope and delete the app? I'm not even kidding. It's been probably at least a week since I've swiped a guy right. And it's not as though I've only been on the app a minute here or there. It's how I spend my time when I'm bored, waiting for something, eating alone, chillin, in the car but not driving (for the most part..), laying down in bed, waiting for someone, sitting down, laying on the couch, standing somewhere, distracting myself from something "more important," keeping my mind stimulated while I'm also doing something pretty boring (I'm pretty ADD), etc. So you get it, right? There have been plenty of chances for me to see someone even slightly attractive. But I haven't. Ugh. Like this is getting ridiculous.

Tinder vocabulary.

Here's a basic vocabulary lesson for you bitches.

-Tinder (n.): the popular app used to find people you are interested in for friendship dating sex etc, by liking or disliking each person based on looks and a very basic description. If you haven't downloaded Tinder, we can't be friends. 

-Tinder (v.): to use the app Tinder; to swipe through various people on Tinder looking for someone good; to talk to someone via message through Tinder. I Tindered my troubles away. 

-Tindero (n.): a male Tinder user. I matched with the hottest Tindero last night! 

-Tinderella (n.): a female Tinder user. I'm basically an unpaid professional Tinderella. 

-Tinderho (n.): abbr of Tinder Whore; usually female, but probably could be male, Tinder addict. Someday I'll realize that it's maybe a bad thing what a fucking Tinderho I am. 

-Left-swipe / Swipe-left (v.): to reject a potential Tinder match, clicking the X signifying "nope" or physically swiping the person to the left side of the screen. Ew I left-swiped him without even thinking about it. 

-Right-swipe / Swipe-right (v.): to "like" a person on Tinder by clicking the <3 or to physically swipe the person to the right side of the screen. Oh he's attractive, I think I'm gonna right-swipe him and see if we match!

-Match (v.): to Tinder-like someone who likes you back. We obviously matched. 

Um those are the only words I can think of right now. They're the essentials at least. 

Kids these days use Tinder.

Tinder is like the Match.com for the younger generation -- well I guess some older people might use it too… The hip and modern generation? Something like that. Like have you noticed how all the online dating websites feature grandparents and senior citizens in their commercials? I feel like they used to have hot young couples and that was the cool thing to do, meet someone online, how tech savvy and craaazay. No longer though. Now that shit is old news and for old out-of-touch-with-modernity people who haven't realized that now it's all about these apps. Like Tinder duh. An app where you can swipe yes or no based on looks alone, and maybe a few words to describe yourself. What more could you want! Maybe some alcohol. Imma go drink now. Drinking and Tindering is one of the most exciting and entertaining things to do, and if you haven't tried it, I strongly recommed that you do it now.

Pissed off.

Here's some shit that pisses me off on Tinder:

When a guy lies about his age. After we match and he's cute and we're talking, I get the feeling he isn't actually my age, and it turns out he's 19. 

When I get matched with a major hottie who ends up being over five thousand miles away from me. Like, that's not in my search radius, Tinder you idiot. 

When only unfortunate looking guys are showing up for an extended period of time. Sometimes I lose hope that there's anyone decent left in the city. 

When someone I realllllly want to match with doesn't immediately match with me. Maybe he hasn't seen me on his Tinder yet? (This had only happened like twice by the way, and both guys were almost celebs and a bit older, so I wasn't actually that upset)

I'm sure way more pisses me off but I can think right now. I'll go Tinder and maybe think of more to write.